Together, Always
by live0laugh0love0
Summary: "I'm fine!" She cut him off before he could finish his sentence. She turned around, suddenly feeling lightheaded, gripping the island for support. Her knees trembled and every muscle in her face was contorting in a way that was so not Kate Beckett. It was in that moment, that she lost all ability to be fine.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys!**

**This is my very first Castle story. I wanted to write this as a one shot but may or may not continue you it. Let me know what you think!**

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She sat there, not really focusing on one thing in particular, but thinking every imaginable thought all at once. The loft was quiet. A steady snow was falling outside the office window blanketing the city. Out of her peripheral vision she made out the lights of the apartments around her and the steady stream of taxis breaking and accelerating down below. Lives were continuing on around her as she just sat in the dimmed apartment, the only light source; the fire in front of her and the light above the island in the kitchen. If someone were to see her, it would appear as if she were enjoying a quiet evening at home.

Up close, her knuckles were wound tightly around the stem of the wine glass she held, her knuckles, white, and her jaw clenched so tight it hurt her teeth. Her green eyes just hours before so happy and full of joy, now were sad and tired. She felt the tears, screams, and shakes trying to surface from the very pit of her stomach for the third time since she had returned home. Feeling the emotions coming back yet again sent her straight into defense mode. She dug her finger nails into her palm and pulled her cardigan even tighter around her midsection before it was too late. She sat this way, her eyes closed and feet pulled under her for five minutes until she felt as though she had control over the situation once more.

She kept telling her self she was fine. If she repeated it enough, it became true in her mind. Kate Beckett did not break down, she did not show weakness. She didn't spend years building up her walls to have them crash down around her so easily. Even being alone, she could not bear to let anyone see her so weak, Instead, she masked her pain and sadness in a bottle of cheap Merlot. She went to take another long drink when she realized she had already finished her glass. Her hand instinctively reached for the bottle. The once corked and cold bottle was now gone, not having provided the masking that Kate had hoped.

Instead, she drug herself into a standing position. Dizzy at first, and then steady, she tiptoed barefoot on the cool, wood floors into the office to get a good look at the city. The snow was still falling as she let herself fall into a trance, her gaze yet again not falling on anything in particular. Unwillingly, the events of the day flooded her memory.

_She sat in the doctor's office, Castle at her side in hopes of hearing their baby's heartbeat for the first time since finding out she was pregnant. She had been overjoyed and antsy all day just waiting for the hands of the clock to sluggishly make their way around and around. Castle had been the same way, each throwing names back and forth for the last couple of weeks. When it was finally time, he drove them both to her appointment. The doctor had walked in so happy to see both of them as if he knew that everything was going to be okay. Castle held her hand beaming as the doctor squirted the gel on her flat stomach and moved the probe around in circles. His face quickly went from the happy grin to a very concerned and pained expression. Her husbands grip grew tighter around her hand and she felt the muscles in her legs start to tingle from nervousness. They sat in silence for what seemed to be hours but was only, at most, fifteen minutes. What the doctor said next shattered her perfect little world into a million pieces._

"_I'm very sorry Kate, this is very common early on in pregnancy." He looked at the couple and took the probe away from her stomach. _

_She looked straight ahead not willing herself to see Castle's face, or let him see hers. She felt his lips on her temple. Such a simple gesture, such a small touch, was what lead her to her first moment when the feeling in the pit of her stomach started to rise. She shut her eyes and squeezed his hand a little tighter still. After a deep breath, she told herself what she always did when she felt her control over a situation was dwindling. You're fine. Easier to mask in such a situation rather than the one now because of the publicity of it, and the feeling of shock still enveloping her vision. The doctor spoke, then, but she only heard bits and pieces. Something about being young and trying again in a couple of months. So easy to say when you aren't the one living the nightmare._

_When the door had finally clicked and she was alone with her husband, she snapped out of her trance. She looked over at him, tears in his eyes, and said the first thing since having her heat torn to pieces. "I want to go home." With that, he nodded, and she lifted herself off the table and walked to the door, out of the office, and straight to the car with Castle keeping stride. They drove in silence, the only sound coming from the city and those in it living their lives while two had just been ruined. When they finally got back to the loft, Kate went into the bedroom and simply laid on the bed locking the door behind her not wanting to be bothered. She must have drifted off because when she woke she was caught between reality and dreaming; the second time that feeling of pure and utter sadness tried to make its presence in her soul. She gripped the sheets and furrowed her brow to stop any emotion that might be developing. She was fine._

_She finally got up, deciding the bed was not the best place to be at the moment, and walked into the center of the living room and kitchen. She stood not exactly knowing what to do. tTe sky was now dark purple and big, fluffy snowflakes fell all around. Sensing she was alone, she walked to the kitchen and found a note on the island._

_Went for coffee in case the snow gets too bad. I'll be back in 40 minutes. I love you, R._

It was then, that she heard the door open and realized that the empty wine glass she was still holding had slipped from her grip and crashed to the floor shattering into a million pieces. Tears stung her eyes as she bent down to try and clean up the mess around her feet. Losing her balance, her foot slipped and stepped on a shard of glass. A shriek escaped her lips but was gone as fast as it had come.

"Let me help you." She heard him start walking toward her from the front door, his snow boots clunking against the wood. The glass she had scooped up dropped to the floor as she quickly hopped over the remaining glass and scurried to the kitchen to avoid him seeing her face. She was too embarrassed.

"Kate, let me see your foot." He reached for her arm but she quickly pulled away shaking her head, still not having the strength to face him.

He tried yet a third time, "Please Kate, let me help-"

"I'm fine!" She cut him off before he could finish his sentence. She turned around, suddenly feeling lightheaded, gripping the island for support. Her knees trembled and every muscle in her face was contorting in a way that was so not Kate Beckett. She tried one last time to truly be fine, but in that moment, the fourth time the demon from the pit of her stomach tried to surface, she let it. All at once, the tears streamed down her face as long and heavy sobs escaped her lips. Her hands were trembling and the muscles in her neck ached. She felt a pair of arms grab her shoulders and turn her around. She buried her head in his chest and gripped his shirt in tight, angry fists.

He held her tight as a scream escaped her lips, and more tears fell soaking his shirt. He tried his best to sooth her, but he knew the only thing he could do was be there to show her he loved her more than anything, that it was okay to be sad, and he was always right here.

Again, a scream was projected into his chest and she clung tighter to him, only wanting the pain to go away. "This isn't fair, dammit. Why did this happen?" She managed to voice her emotions through sobs and screams for the first time since they were told.

"I'm so sorry Kate, I'm so sorry." He too was absolutely devastated, and in that moment, he let his own tears fall and hit the top of her head. They both needed this moment to mourn over their loss, and to try and accept the pain. He had already cried, when she locked herself in the bedroom, and when he went to get coffee, sitting in his car, alone only wanting to have her wrapped in his arms. He knew, though, that she needed time, knew that she was not as easily broken as most were. This moment, although terrifying and unimaginably painful, was what they both needed.

"I love you so much. I'm right here, always." He continued holding her until her breathing calmed and her shoulders stopped shaking. He felt her start to loosen her grip but suddenly become so reliant on his physical support. He swung his arm under her knees and carried her to the couch where he laid her on top of him and held her again.

She felt herself regaining control but had no desire to let go of him. She lay on his lap like a child, but felt so safe just the same. She could feel him rubbing slow, soft circles on her back and breathing on the top of her head. "Rick, it hurts so bad."

He tensed but continued his actions. "I know, hun, I know. I'm so sorry." He rubbed her back and kept whispering words of love in her ear. This lead him to think of all the times she wouldn't let him see her hurt, or upset, or lost. She finally let him in her tall, brick walls, and trusted him to keep her safe, trusted him with her secrets, her past. It was a reminder that she was never alone in the journey. It was times like these that he realized how much he truly, wholeheartedly, loved her.

Eventually, he felt her body relax, and her breathing slow. The grip she had on his shirt relaxed and failed all together leaving her arms to fall a short distance to his stomach. Wish a quick motion, he moved their bodies to a parallel position on the couch, too exhausted to move them both to the bedroom. He laid there, listening to her breathing and feeling the rise and fall of her chest against his. Her head was resting comfortable just under his neck by his shoulder. The actions calming, and the soft glow and heat of the fire helped sleep to finally take over him. The snow out the window continued to fall, and the city enveloped by it continued to live their lives. All the while in that moment, inside the loft, the two, though broken, began the healing process that was now a bitter reality. But their was no reason or way either would face it alone. Because the things that had happened between them that night only showed how far they'd come, and how strong they would continue to grow and be. Love knew no limit especially for a broken cop, and a cocky writer. Such an atypical story with its twists and turns. The bond they shared, though, and the love they had, was enough to let them know they could make it through this, together.

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**Please review!**

**xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi there!**

**So I've decided to continue with this story. I'm not exactly sure how long it will be, but I'll definitely finish it! Thank you for all of your kind words!**

**Enjoy!**

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The room was still, just barely between night and day. The light was subtle and soft. The fire had died down to a pile of warm coals supplying just enough warmth to the room. Beyond the living room, out the office window, the early risers were off to start their day and live their lives as they normally did, crunching and sliding in the fresh layer of snow from the night before.

Inside the loft, her eyelids fluttered twice and stayed open the third. She didn't dare move. A bit of confusion hit her until the hellish events rushed back to her overwhelming her senses. She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. She could not freak out like that again, it was so unlike her self and all she stood for and built herself upon. She had built a wall up so high to hold back so much. Just one crack could open the flood gates leaving the person with the chisel to deal with the consequences. It both scared and relieved her. It was fear, anger, and defensiveness that had built the walls, but love, trust, and raw emotion that knocked them down. She never thought she would trust someone so much to let them in and experience the demons that toyed with her world.

With her eyes still closed, she listened to Castle's heartbeat and felt the rise and fall of his chest. Something about having him there right in that moment, and for the rest of her life was so calming and reassuring. She had never been one to make friends and keep them very easily; her job and past playing a large role. But with him at her side, she was learning to be someone new and let someone else see _her._

She opened her eyes again finally _seeing. _She propped herself up slowly to look around the 's boots lay by the fire, any bit of snow having been dried by the heat. The glass in the office was still scattered and a small trail of blood ran from there to the kitchen. She wiggled her foot and winced at the bit of tenderness that radiated from it. She turned her head to the kitchen where the island light was still glowing. There were two shopping bags on the counter. She turned her focus back to Castle. He had one arm behind his head and the other hand was locked with hers. His features, even as he slept were stressed and tired. She touched his cheek admiring him. She had never known someone so kind. Yes, in the beginning she couldn't stand a single thing he did. He tested her, annoyed her, drove her insane. But in the time since, she saw just how good of a man he was. He wasn't as egotistical or self centered as he once had been. In a way, they were changing each other, making each other better versions of themselves. Everyday was a learning experience, every day was a new page to the book.

She shifted her body off of the couch as quietly as she could. The light in the room was still dark, still asleep. The hardwood beyond the fire was cold as she tiptoed over to the island. Inside the bags were four burlap bags each marked with the company logo and sealed with red ribbon. She recognized the package without a thought. They were from her favorite coffee company, and very expensive. Each bag was at least $40 and he had had them specially wrapped.

She placed a hand on her stomach. She had stopped drinking coffee the moment she found out she was pregnant. Her favorite thing in the entire world, and she was ready to give it up in a single heartbeat for the well being of someone else. She had given it no second thought, no last cup, no questions. Now, it didn't matter.

She felt so empty, in both forms of the word. The devastation and anger still fueled inside of her, the pain still barely subsiding. It hurt so bad it was almost numb at this point, but now she had some kind of control over it. Just hours ago she and her husband had so much to look forward to, now, they had to recover and rebuild from something they had barely had time to enjoy.

She wrapped her cardigan around her stomach and crossed her arms looking back to the bags on the table. He had done this for her, not taking a second to think about himself. He had stepped into action almost the moment he found out to try and help her, to help her heal, to make her feel better in any way that he could. He knew he couldn't fix it or make it go away, only time could do that, but this small gesture just screamed _I'm here, and we can get through this. _It was then that she realized how selfless he was, how much he cared for her. It was just coffee, but the motive behind it was much more than a couple of beans.

She lifted up each individual bag and breathed in the aroma. Her thoughts drifted again, this time to a destroyed future. They would never get to see their first child together grow up, live, learn, or be. She'd never know if they would be kind, or creative, shy, or determined, All the things that people took for granted were the things she was so curious about. It was absolutely devastating to think that just yesterday she was so happy, and now the sadness that surrounded her was unbearable. She felt so guilty that she was craving a cup of coffee so badly.

A tear escaped her eye as she put the last bag back on the counter. She wiped it away quickly with her sleeve. A pair of arms wrapped around her middle and pulled her from her thoughts. She turned to bury herself in the warm and safe embrace of her husband. She shuttered at the similarity of the actions of last night. This time, though, she was as calm as she could muster, and they were both silent. He just held her, tucked her into him, and she buried herself as far as she could, trying to escape her own thoughts. Right now, it was enough for him to just hold her like this. Something about it made her feel so safe, and slightly okay.

"I love you." He held her just a little tighter.

"I love you, too." She responded without hesitation. Another moment passed before she spoke again. "I'm going to call work, use some of those personal days." She broke away and looked at him.

His eyes met hers, "That sounds like a good idea." His eyes appeared tired as he gave her a little smile. He pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.

She gave him a half-hearted smile and broke away. She grabbed her phone and dialed the precinct. None of her colleagues had even known she was pregnant, so nothing about this phone call could sound suspicious. She took a shaky breath and walked into the office, situating herself on the corner of the desk.

"Gates." The line connected and the Captain answered.

"Sir, it's Beckett. I'm not going to be in for a couple of days. Feeling a little under the weather and needing some time off." She bit her lip and scrunched her face together waiting for the response.

"Okay, how long should I mark it for?" Each answer was dry and emotionless.

She breathed out. No suspicion. "Ten days." She became nervous again and waited for the response. She was sure she had just asked for entirely too much time off.

"Okay, we'll see you in a week and a half."

"Thank you sir." She hopped off the desk.

"And Beckett, enjoy yourself, you deserve it."

"Thank you." She sounded less enthusiastic this time putting her head down in embarrassment. There was no way she could truly enjoy this time off. It wasn't a Caribbean getaway, or a ski trip in the Alps. It was ten days of coping with her pain to hopefully come out of it okay.

The line disconnected and she placed the phone on the desk not wanting to speak to anyone else in a while. She walked out of the office to see Castle hanging his phone up, his back to her.

"Okay, thanks. Bye."

"Who was that?" She questioned him.

Castle turned around and gave her a small smile. "That was the cleaning lady. They're getting the house ready for us. I know it's not summer, and it'll be cold, but I think we both need time to ourselves, and the house seemed like the best option. What do you think?"

She stood in awe. Once again, he was thinking of ways to help her, thinking of ways to help the healing process. She closed the gap between them pressing her lips to his. "I think it sounds perfect. I love you, Rick." She made eye contact with him to try and express just how serious she was about her feeling towards him. It was truly remarkable how much she cared for him.

In response, he grabbed her hand and stroked the back of it. "We're going to get through this." After a brief moment, he started walking towards the bedroom still holding her hand. "We better pack. We're going to the Hampton's."

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**Please review!**

**xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone! Here's chapter 3.**

**Enjoy!**

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A suitcase, sweaters and jeans thrown around. A pair of boots and a set of slippers. She gathered her things from the bathroom and the bedroom all while in a trance. She had changed into a pair of leggings and an NYPD hoodie, so unlike her style, but so what she needed with the mindset she was currently stuck in. Her eyes would fall on one thing and focus in on nothing. She was still trying to move around the room to gather her things in a desperate attempt to get out of the city before morning traffic, to escape the everyday, to outrun the pain. Despite her efforts, she found herself sitting on the edge of the bed, her heels resting on the frame, and her head in her hands. Her head and her heart hurt so badly still. The pain had subsided for now at the very bottom of her stomach. The flame that had sent her into hysterics was kept at bay by her strong-willed mind and trained senses. The demon that still resided fought for act two but Kate was not giving it any air time. Although the control she had gained since last night was a substantial task, she knew she couldn't lie to herself anymore. She was not fine. She needed this getaway to clear her head and heal her wounds. She needed him.

Still motionless, she felt a presence enter the room. She looked up and came face to face with a steaming cup with "Richard Castle" splayed across it. He looked hesitant at first, but handed it to her anyway, not knowing what her reaction would be. She felt the ceramic in her hand and the heat radiate from the mug. "Thank you." She felt a kiss on her head and felt him move on to pack his own things. She was so grateful to have him and have him know her so well. At first, she needed space; he gave it to her. Then, she needed him; and he gave her himself. Now, she wasn't sure what she needed; he was letting her decide.

She breathed in the aroma the cup of coffee presented and closed her eyes. She wanted it so badly, but at the same time, it made her sick to her stomach. Why was something as simple as a cup of coffee making her feel so out of control? She had come to terms with the fact that she could drink it, but the guilt was still lingering all around. Did it make her a bad person? Would it make it look like she didn't care? Her head was starting to pound with each passing second. Without thinking anything else of it, she brought the cup to her lips and drank the coffee in big gulps to get rid of it as fast as she could. It made her feel no less empty, or any less guilty, but her headache slowly started thanking her. Was it a start to recovery? She didn't know, but he had made it in an attempt to help her, and that was good enough for her. Each time he did something for her, it made something inside of her feel uplifted, like everything was okay.

She looked over her shoulder at him, he was still packing, deciding between two identical shirts. She smiled at him and breathed out. She set the mug on the table and resumed packing with a clearer head, her mind still wondering, though.

"Ready?" Castle was in the doorway now, somehow moving around her, suitcase in hand.

"I think so." She nodded and looked around to see if she had missed anything.

"Alright, let's go." He turned and walked until he stopped, turned around, and walked back to her. He stopped right at her nose and pulled a set of keys from behind his back. "I'm driving."

She couldn't help but roll her eyes. Leave it to him to make her feel okay just by being himself.

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They were half an hour into the trip and neither had said a word. The silence wasn't hostile, or angry, or spiteful. It was a thought-filled silence. The only communication between the two was a left and a right hand intertwined resting on the middle console.

The Ferrari was quiet, the engine giving off no more than a purr. It left the opportunity for all the noise of the city to reach them, but eventually was replaced with silence that matched the interior of the car.

With so much empty space, it gave her mind opportunity to wander, the flame to flicker just a bit. She felt her breath hitch and her eyes scan her surroundings. It was as if a switch had been flipped on. She didn't move in fear that it would consume her. Like an animal hiding from its prey, she did not dare let it sense anything out of the ordinary. Maybe it would go away if she focused hard enough on the road in front of her. The last thing she needed was to have an episode in the car, and in front of Castle. With one long breath and a moment of biting her lip, she regained her bearings and closed her eyes.

"_Mommy? Mommy, help! Help me!" A little girls voice came from every direction. She was no where and she was everywhere. The fear in her voice was eminent. _

_Kate was running down a dark corridor, every turn leading to an endless hallway with no light. Her senses were on high alert as she searched. She was dressed in work attire, a gun and flashlight raised in front of her. She couldn't find where the girl's screams were coming from, but without having to be told, she knew that it was _her_ daughter. The little girl was yelling for _her_. It was a mystery as to how she knew this, but something deep down told her to believe the thoughts she was processing. It only fueled Kate more. She continued to run, turn, search, but with each step, her feet grew heavier, and the screams were growing farther and farther away. She began to panic._

"_I'm coming! Where are you? Where are you?" Kate felt her efforts becoming a struggle and knew she was failing. With one last effort she shouted, "Abigail, where are you?"_

_Before she got an answer, The hallway started to brighten, and the screams changed to Castle's voice. "Kate! Kate!"_

"Kate?"

She opened her eyes and gasped. She hadn't realized she had fallen asleep until the eyes of her concerned husband were staring back at her. He had a hand on her shoulder, and the other one on her knee. He rubbed her arm waiting for her to come to.

"It was just a nightmare. I'm okay." She pushed her hair back and placed her free hand on top of his.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He questioned her with wide eyes. He was nervous that things weren't getting any better for her.

"No, I'm okay, it was nothing." She gave him a small smile and tried to look as normal as she could. In reality, she was more confused than ever. Why had that little girl called her mommy, and more importantly, why did she know it and respond by calling for "Abigail"? Before she could process anything, Castle responded.

"Okay, well in that case, we're here." He nodded towards the passenger window. The house unfolded before her, the size and beauty of it surprising her every single time. It's front porch welcoming them, and although it was huge, it felt like home.

She opened the car door, her boots crunching the snow under foot, and a light breeze caused her to shiver and her hair to dance around her face. The door closed and she made her way to the porch, Castle in tow with their bags. She opened the door and breathed in the calmness that always rushed over her in entering the estate, the heat instantly wrapping her in a warm hug. The smell of oak and cranberry spice candles that somehow appeared during their winter visits found her nose. She walked further in and noticed all the usually beachy décor was changed. Instead of blues and yellows, the pillows, curtains, and even the rugs were burgundy's and navy blues.

Noticing her confusion, he hugged her from behind, "I had them change it for our visit. I thought it felt more cozy. All the sheets are fleece lined and the towels are heated." His voice rose at the last part as a child's would.

She could tell he was giddy over the heated towels, and his mastermind plan to make the space more inviting in the cold. She still couldn't believe him or predict all the wonderful things he did. She turned around and cupped his cheeks looking him straight in the eyes, "I love it." She stood on her tiptoes to kiss his lips and wrap him in a hug. "It's perfect."

"I'm glad you like it. I'm going to go unpack our stuff. Fire up the cappuccino maker?" He raised an eyebrow then ran off to settle in, the house releasing the inner child in him. It was his playground.; and like a child on vacation, he had to explore and run, and play. She didn't hold that against him. That was him, and that's why she loved him so much.

She nodded and waited for him to walk upstairs and start opening and closing drawers before she scurried over to the double doors that spilled out into the backyard She let her eyes settle on the ocean beyond. The sea was dark from the cold and torment of wind. It looked like a painting, not her own backyard. The view amazed her time and time again, even in the dead of winter when the lawn was blanketed in snow and the sky was dark with impending storms. The first time she saw it, it took her breath away. She was speechless at not only the view but the property as a whole. Now, after all the summer vacations and weekend retreats, she still found herself in awe. It was relaxing, relieving, calming; everything that might make the pain go away. Her eyes still fixed on the scene, she realized for the first time, that along with Rick, maybe this was what she needed.

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**Thanks for reading, I'll update as soon as I can. Please review and let me know what you think!**

**xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi there!**

**I know I just updated, but I cranked this out, and had to share sooner rather than later. **

**Enjoy!**

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He returned soon after now wearing sweatpants and a "Derek Storm" t-shirt. The cappuccino machine hissed and he made his way over to the kitchen, the floor boards creaking having been unoccupied for a period of time. His hands went into autopilot preparing two cups. One; two sugars, espresso shot, foam on top. The other; three sugars, skim milk, and a drizzle of chocolate. He moved like clock work, not even having to think about what to do next, it had become second nature over the years. Even before they were together, he knew the different combinations of ingredients to blend depending on the machines he had to work with. This one was her favorite. As fast as he had started, he was finished and moved to the couch where she was already sitting.

She was curled up under a fleece throw that was hanging over the side of the couch as decoration. She assumed this position a lot. Her legs tucked under her, wrapping herself in a cardigan or a blanket. It made her feel safe, small, undetected. Her emotions, although untrue, were masked from onlookers.

He came up next to her, placing the two steaming cups on the side table. She shifted her weight to grant him access to her fortress, her shield. He slipped in behind her and wrapped her in his arms. He stroked her arm, silence filling the air. It was enough. The comfort of each other told a story better than words could right now. Little gestures like scratching her back, or her stroking his forearm. There was a set of quirky things that defined a couple, told their story, made them unique. And even though he was so well equipped with words, and she so straight forward, they still possessed those little actions that made them who they were, they let that do the talking. Words only got you so far, but truly showing someone throw action was true love and happiness.

The two stayed this way for a long while. The steam coming off of their mugs slowly starting to subside. The sky outside changing shades. He picked up their mugs and handed one over. "So I was thinking we could take advantage of the hot tub tomorrow? It needs to heat up today, but by tomorrow, it will be perfect." Castle smiled at her in his arms. He took a sip of his coffee waiting for her response.

"I think that sounds amazing. God knows I need it." She closed her eyes and leaned back into him. She felt him rubbing her shoulders and she unthinkingly took a drink of her coffee. It gave her mixed feelings still. Having become so coffee dependent, the cappuccino maker at the house was her guilty pleasure, but not now, it was only guilty, barely pleasure.

"Kate, you need to relax, your back is so tense." Castle's tone was normal, a twinge of concern in his voice.

She hadn't realized she was stressing so badly over coffee. "Am I a bad person for drinking this?"

The question shocked him. He hadn't even know she was thinking such things. He turned her around to look her in the eyes before he spoke, "Absolutely not. Under the circumstances, I think you deserve it. I don't want to upset you, but we've had tragedy strike us, we didn't expect it, and there was absolutely nothing we could have done to prevent it. It was a freak thing, it happens, and it sucks. But you drinking that coffee does not mean you care any less, or think of this as nothing." He looked at her, his sad eyes piercing hers.

"Okay." Tears blanketed her answer as she turned back around and burrowed herself into his chest, the cup resting in her hands.

His mind raced. How could he have let her feelings go undetected? It had been only a day, but the fact that he had not known how she was feeling, and could not try and fix it killed him. Aside from his mother and Alexis, there was no one in the world he cared more for, no one he wanted to protect more. She was his everything, his world. His heart had broken for her and himself when they found out that they were not pregnant anymore. He remembered when they had found out. She was late and she took four, yes four tests at home. She had wanted to know for sure. All came back positive. She had been beaming that day, glowing even. He, as well, was so excited. He insisted on taking her out to dinner to celebrate. The next week she went in for her first appointment; still too early to hear the heartbeat, but getting medical confirmation that they were expecting. Thinking back, he wished that that second appointment never existed. Their world had come crashing down, nothing concrete, nothing set in stone. It all seemed so far in the past; it had only been two days.

His expression solemn, he looked down at her sipping her coffee. She glanced up at him, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just thinking." He tried to brush it off. He didn't want to upset her, she was finally starting to calm just a bit.

"Are you sure?" She questioned him not believing him.

"Positive." He reassured her with a smile.

"You know, I was just thinking about our wedding day. I remember everyone was staring at me, and all I could do was look for you. I wanted so badly to run down the aisle and tackle you." She laughed and a smile graced her lips. "I contained myself though." She looked at him as if she were telling the story to a stranger, making sure that she, in fact, did not tackle the groom.

He chuckled and let her finish her story.

"It was so surreal. The whole day was like one big fairytale; the prince and the princess, happily ever after. Even when Espo and Ryan knocked over one of the DJ's speakers in their drunken state, it was still perfect. The dress, the ceremony, the reception, you, it was everything I could have ever wanted my wedding to be." She laughed again at the memory. "I like to think of that day, replay it in my head when I'm having a bad day. It's been on repeat for a couple days now. I like to think its what's keeping me sane." She spun the rings on her finger. "It makes me feel better." She smiled at him. "You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and I can't thank you enough for putting up with my stubbornness and my walls. I don't think I could have gotten through a lot of my issues without you. You're incredible. I love you, so much." She couldn't tell him enough how much he meant to her. She kissed him hard and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He kissed her back cupping her cheek with one hand and holding her waist with the other. His hand slipped under her shirt and made its way up her back sending chills up and down her spine. She pressed herself against him further, running her fingers through his hair. She broke away and ran kisses down his neck until she reached his t-shirt. She moved her hands to the bottom of it, and with his help, she slipped it off and continued kissing him down his chest. He reached for her bra, unhooking it from under her hoodie. She threw the sweatshirt up over her shoulders taking her bra with it. Their clothes crashing to the ground, each becoming more eager as the seconds ticked on.

He kissed her again, this time more forceful. His lips gave her collarbones small kisses as she let her head fall back, enjoying the touch of her husband. She hugged him close and breathed heavily. He turned his lips to hers as they changed position. His hands found her hip bones, pressing her into the couch. She let a small moan escape her lips. Their breath, short. Their motions, passionate. Their love, undeniable. They looked at each other, feeling each other, knowing each other, loving each other.

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A time later, they lay wrapped in each others arms draped by the fleece blanket from earlier. Kate laid her head on Rick's chest, tracing little circles on his skin. He held her close. The silence engulfed them. She shifted and kissed him softly before getting up and redressing.

"Are you hungry?" The sky was know getting dark, the day having been spent in that room.

"Yeah, the pantry and fridge are stocked if you want me to cook." He answered still on the couch.

"I got it." She walked over to investigate the high end Hamptons foods that he had "the team" stock the kitchen with. "Chicken sound good?" She questioned knowing his answer but asking anyway.

"Yes ma'am." He pulled his sweats back, walked to the kitchen, and sat at the bar to keep her company.

She cooked, and they ate making small talk. It felt good to have just a moment of normalcy. Both tried to forget their sadness for the duration of dinner. He carried their dishes to the sink when both had finished. It was late by that time, having spent the day talking, thinking, loving. She sat on the couch, her wrist supporting her head, she finally realized she was tired. She closed her eyes for a moment.

When she opened them, Castle was standing in front of her with his hand outstretched to her. "Wanna sleep somewhere a little more cozy?" He smirked, she had yet to see how the upstairs had been decorated. "You're going to die when you feel those sheets!"

She laughed at him and accepted his hand. He lead her through the house, up the stairs, and into the master suite. He had had the bedding changed to a deep burgundy color, the pillows deep blues and golds to coordinate with the rest of the house. It screamed inviting.

She slipped into a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt, and he did the same. She undid the bed, climbing in, wrapping herself in the warmth of the big bed. She felt him settle in beside her, wrapping her up in his embrace. It was silent, the only sound coming from the ocean, rising and falling in its constant motion, keeping the world turning. Their breathing eventually settling, and their minds resting, though both still had so much on their minds. For now, it could wait as they fell into unconsciousness.

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**Let me know what you think!**

**xoxo**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi there!**

**Before we start, there was some confusion about my last chapter and the miscarriage. I had planned for it to be a natural miscarriage, that way I could have some control over the time I had to write the events in between the appointment and the actual miscarriage. That being said, the miscarriage will not be in this story unless I write a sequel. I wanted this story to be more about the two and how they handle the situation and healing process. I'm trying to keep them as in character as I can, keeping pet names and over kill fluff to a minimum.**

**That being said, I think this story will have at least two more chapters, depending on how I want it to end. Thank you for all your reviews, and let me know if you want a sequel.**

**Happy Holidays!**

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_She was running down the corridor again, only this time, she knew she was dreaming. Yet she had no control over her actions. Gun drawn, she searched, turned, listened, hunted. The little girl yelled just as she had last time. It was so deja vu, but Kate expected it considering dreams had a funny way of exposing fears over and over with no consideration of the outcome._

_As her feet started to become heavy like they had before, Kate screamed for the girl by name, "Abigail, where are you?"_

_Thinking that would be the end of it, and she could wake, shake the feeling of fear and confusion, and turn back over to see her husband next to her, shock overcame her when the little girl responded, "Mom! I'm here! Help me!"_

_She mustered the courage to round the corner, gun still drawn and ready to shoot at any moment. Every nerve ending in her body was buzzing when she came face to face with the little girl, with Abigail, with her daughter._

_Kate gasped covering her mouth with her hands. She holstered her gun taking a quick step forward, and one giant one back. The little girl was beautiful. Between the ages of six and seven, she was the spitting image of Rick and Kate, only their best features presenting themselves. Her long chestnut hair, not ever being cut, hung in loose curls around her shoulders. Her big, green eyes looked up at her, her eyelashes batting. The little girl had the chin and nose of a little Richard Castle, giving Kate that half smile that melted her heart every time._

_The two just stared at each other, it was slow motion, no one moving, and time standing hauntingly still. Neither one of them broke this pose until Kate reached her hand out, her signature look of fear; wide eyes, and mouth agape, crossed her face. She approached the girl, just inches from touching her cheek, she could hear her heart pounding in her ears. Just as she was about to touch Abigail, the girl disappeared into thin air._

Kate shot up in bed, her palms sweaty, breath heavy, and tears running down her face. A small screech escaped her lips, but she quickly contained it. Her fingertips buzzed with energy. The feeling in the pit of her stomach threatened to shoot up out of no where, but the cloudiness of sleep prevented it. If she was going to have an attack, it was not going to be in the dead of night where the darkness magnified her weaknesses, made them ten times worse than they already were. If she could learn to control it well enough, maybe the flame would go out for good.

It took her a few seconds to get her bearings; the combination of fatigue and uneasiness playing a large role. She ran a hand through her hair, feeling the perspiration on her forehead. Her breath still ragged, taking up all of her lung capacity, she fell back to the sheets. Hoping to find comfort in her husbands presence, hoping just the sight of him might calm her down, she turned her head, but all she saw was emptiness in the king size bed. She sat up once more and noticed the lap in the hallway was turned on. It wasn't like him to get up in the middle of the night unless their was a murder, or the writer in him could not wait to fill the page with the ideas that danced in his head.

She stood on the tips of her toes like she always did, making her feel quiet, unheard, sneaky. She wrapped her robe around herself and made her way into the hall where the light was burning, illuminating the long hallway. Her detective antics kicking in instinctively, she stopped at the lamp and let her hand hover over the bulb. It was hot, meaning it had been on for more than a couple of minutes. In her peripheral vision, she noticed another light coming from downstairs. She followed it, and realized their was a trail of lamps on end tables burning through the darkness of the house, having been flicked on, one by one, creating a path followed by heavy, tired feet. She continued through the house until she reached his office. Besides the view from the back, this was his favorite room. He had designed the desk to fit just so, and all of the décor was custom made. He had a hardback copy of every book he had written sitting on a shelf.

Seeing the door was ajar and yet another light had been clicked on, she made her way into the room. She felt the cold chill of the sea air creeping in through the double doors of the screened in porch. It took her eyes a couple of seconds to adjust to the darkness, but low and behold, there he sat, only his silhouette, sitting upright, was visible.

She walked over to the double doors, leaning on the frame watching him, assessing the situation, before making her next move. A half empty bottle of scotch sat on the wicker table next to him. The fire place in the office was roaring, providing enough heat to cancel out the front of winter. His posture was rigid, unmoving, his fist wrapped around the empty glass in his hand. His other arm was perched on the armrest, his fingers dangling in the air. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. If she hadn't have had the nightmare again, she would have never known he was here, or for how long. "Hey."

As if he knew she had been watching him this whole time, he turned his head slightly, wordlessly inviting her into the room. She walked the few feet, finally seeing his face. She hadn't been expecting to see a tear stained face, sad eyes, or a broken man.

Tears gathered in her own eyes as she stared into her husbands. Slowly, not wanting to disturb the silence, she slipped onto his lap, never breaking his gaze. He wrapped his arms around her waist. She brought her hand up to his face and gently wiped away a tear from his cheek with the pad of her thumb. She cupped his cheek in her hand, not transitioning through the movements too quickly.

They sat this way until his voice broke the silence. It wasn't him, though. It was emotion. "I." He paused. "I keep thinking back to that night that I came home, and you had dropped that glass." His eyes were glued to the floor. "And I can't help but to see the next events in my head, they just keep popping in uninvited. And then the entire scenario is just _there_, and there's nothing I can do to stop it." He lifted his gaze. "And I think about how helpless I am, how I can't do anything to fix this. I can't rewrite it, I can't change the pictures in my head, and I can't do anything to make it easier for you. And that kills me, Kate. All I've ever wanted to do was protect you, make life as easy as I can for you, make you happy. And I feel like I've failed."

She let his words sink in. After everything he had done to help her, he was blaming himself for something he had no control over. He held himself responsible. "Hey, hey." Her voice was barely a whisper, her hand shot up to his cheek, meeting his gaze. "Don't you dare blame yourself for any of this. It isn't your fault. And you have already done so much for me these past couple of days, more than I think you know. The coffee, this trip, just being here with me, is enough. You're protecting me, you're helping me. It's the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. You cannot beat yourself up like this, because without you, I wouldn't have had the strength to start healing. And I don't want you to think that you have to be strong for the both of us. I'm here for you just as much as you are for me, Rick."

He nodded, and wrapped her tighter in his embrace. "You don't know how relieved I am to hear you say that."

"I'm so sorry you felt this way." She tucked herself into him, her arms around his neck. "Please promise me that if you ever feel this way you'll come to me. I don't care how upset I am. We're in this together, always."

The two sat this way for some time. The tide crashed over and over. The wind was howling, but the fire had over powered any chill that might cause discomfort. The silence consumed all forms of time. It was as if the universe, as sick and twisted as it was, wanted them to have this moment. He had needed to express himself, and she had needed to be there for him in the aftermath.

Eventually, she spoke. "Remember in the car when I told you I had a nightmare?"

She felt him nod.

She talked slowly as if someone were documenting every word. "I had it again, just now. That's why I woke up and found you. I was in work clothes. I was running down a corridor with my gun drawn. And it kept twisting and turning, and every time I thought it was ending it would just keep going. And the whole time I can hear this voice screaming 'Mommy, mommy, help me.'" She whispered here, mimicking the detail. "And I yelled out for her. I called her Abigail." She paused for a long moment before she continued. "The first time, in the car, I never found her. But just now, I rounded a corner, and there she was. She was absolutely beautiful, Castle. She had my hair and eyes, and she had your chin, and your nose. She smiled at me. And when I went to touch her, she disappeared." Kate raised her head to look at her husband. "I think it was supposed to be our daughter. I think we were supposed to have a girl." She let the last words tumble out of her mouth, not knowing the reaction she would receive.

He responded with a question. "Was she, okay?"

"She seemed, calm. She did smile at me, so, yeah, I think she was okay." She nodded and looked at him again, as though their eye contact told half the story.

H rubbed small circles on her back as he spoke, "I know I make wild speculations, but what if the dream you had was a sign that our little girl is okay. I know we never knew what we were having, but what if you're right? What if this was a sign from her telling us that wherever she is, she's okay, taken care of, and that we don't have to worry so much?" His expression was serious, the line on his forehead prominent. Each word was well thought out.

She let this sink in. Although his wild theories about the CIA, zombies, and spies never seemed to end, or solve cases, she liked the way this one made her feel. It gave her a reassuring feeling in the pit of her stomach. It attempted to smother the flames that could easily reignite at any moment. It made her feel better. "You know, that doesn't sound half bad. And although your theories are crazy sometimes, this one gives me the reassurance I think I need, we both need."

"I'm glad." He grinned at her, the one that made her heart melt a little each time.

She pressed her lips to his and pulled apart. "Come on, let's go to bed." She pulled herself off his lap and helped him stand. He pulled her close, draping his arm around her shoulder. She wrapped a hand around his waist, the alcohol playing with his balance. She led him upstairs, clicking off the lamps as she went. As if each one closed a small part of the gap from problem to problem.

The bed enveloped them, the down comforter, and warmth of their bodies lulled them to sleep. And once again, the writer and the cop continued healing, even in this realm of unspoken metaphors, and mental signs of fear and comfort.

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**Please review!**

**xoxo**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi there!**

**This chapter is definitely a lot lighter than the previous ones. I felt as if it would fit well, and compliment the rest of the story nicely. I'm still unsure of how many chapters there are going to be.**

**Thank you for all of your reviews, favorites, and follows. Let me know if you'd want me to have a story feed of just one shots given to me by readers. Thanks!**

**Enjoy!**

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She woke up the next morning naturally, sunlight swimming through the blinds warming the room. She had slept through the rest of the night nightmare free, and actually felt relaxed. She stretched out, letting her body wake up as well, every muscle taking a turn working out the impacts of sleep. She rolled her neck, cracking her joints, a habit she had grown accustomed to doing. She breathed out and closed her eyes, pulling the comforter up around her shoulders, and nestling it to her chin. She was just drifting back to sleep when she felt the other side of the bed shift. She rolled over onto her other side, propping herself on her elbow to inspect him. He was still asleep, having moved unconsciously, his eyebrows in a tight not. He was facing her, one arm up above his head, the other laid limp on the bed.

She shifted closer to him, just inches separating them. Their breaths intermingled, as the silence of the room let her hear his hear beat, the rise and fall of his chest, the indications of life. It calmed her almost immediately. The stress and the chaos of the last few days had thrown her into dishevelment; her normal live by the book motto having been tossed out the window. She hadn't been so unbelievably sad since her mother was murdered so long ago. And yet, with her new loss fresh in her mind, it seemed like almost yesterday. But something about being here with him, about letting it out, about talking, was turning the hurt and sadness into healing and acceptance. Nothing could ever fill that void or completely heal the wounds, but having a scar was better than a gaping hole.

She wasn't sure if she should wake him, or let him sleep. His facial expression was unpleasant. She moved the last inch to close the gap between them. Their faces were close together, she could see every line, mark, and freckle; everything that defined him. She stroked his arm, trying to relax whatever was making him so tense while he slept. As she did this, his body started waking up. A twitch in his leg, a spasm in shoulder, his nose scrunched ever so slightly. He tightened his eyes, his face squishing together. He mumbled something unrecognizable.

She looked at him with a half confused, half questioning look, her right eyebrow shooting up, "What was that?" She continued stroking his arm, moved up to his shoulder, and then stopped at his face. She pushed a strand of hair back, trying to help him wake up. He mumbled again, this time pushing his face into the pillows, so that she couldn't make out anything. "Good morning to you too?" She responded drawing out the "to" to form a question.

He turned his head again, this time opening one eye. "I'm so hungover."

She stifled a laugh, not wanting him to know how funny he actually looked. His hair was matted down on one side, his one cheek was squished into the bed, and his one open eye blinked more than normal, the light toying with his senses.

"My head is pounding." He closed his eye, giving up.

Kate went back to playing with his hair, trying her best to help. "Yeah? And how much exactly did you drink last night?" The tone in her voice was playful, yet stern, just the right balance between caring too much, and caring too little.

"Too much." He grunted as he rolled slightly and pulled her into his side. She didn't resist, letting his arms snake around her. She rested her head in the crook of his neck, and twisted her arms around the one that was holding her to him. He breathed loudly through his mouth as his mind was stuck between being fully alert, and just coming to. She could tell his eyes were closed by the lack of movement by his body. Everything was still. She enjoyed every second of moments like this. It was so personal and intimate, filled with so much love.

She laid like this for a long time, taking it all in. Realizing how privileged she was to spend her life with him. She always wondered why she kept him out for so long. The attraction had always been present, everyone but her willing to admit they saw it. But she knew it had been her old, stubborn self, the walls too thick for even her to break down. She hadn't even known how to begin to break out. So she waited, and watched, and detected. Detected his movements, his actions, his eye contact and gestures. She had always watched him. And finally, after a long while, she was ready. She made her way out of the imprisonment that was her past to be free and in love with Castle.

It had made way for the person she was today; stronger, wiser, happier. She was happier than she'd ever been. She had tried new things, took leaps of faith, laughed more. It was like she was a different version, a better version of herself. He completed her. And all those years of missed opportunities couldn't even be regretted, not one single bit, because of the life she now lead.

His body jerked, pulling her from her thoughts. It was a quick little jump, like when you felt as though you were falling, not awake, and not asleep. He moaned again, holding her tighter.

"How's the head?" She peaked up at him, his expression softer, but still tense.

His only response was a groan.

"Coffee?"

"Please." He let her wiggle out of his embrace, kissing the top of her head before she left, his eyes still closed.

"You're too good at that."

"Well when you leave super early in the morning in the middle of chapter deadlines, I get a lot of practice." He finally spoke a cohesive sentence, eyes still closed.

She turned for the door, made her way downstairs, and to the kitchen. She stopped in front of the double doors leading out to the backyard. The sun was shining, and a thin, light snow fall engulfed the estate like a snow globe. The light catching the millions of flakes gave the effect of glitter being shaken out everywhere. Kate's breath hitched in her throat. The beauty of this place, no matter what season, gave her chills. This, though, made her feel a sense of hope deep down inside of her. Hope that things were finally going to get better. They had gotten everything out that needed to be. Everything unsaid, said. Any inner turmoil, dealt with. Breakdowns, subsided. Yes, it was still a long road ahead, her heart still hurting, mind still racing, but things were beginning to look up just a tad. This new day, the sun giving way to the darkness, was like a reminder that even the darkest, most horrible events, the most damaged people, can change and become something good. She took a deep breath and smiled.

She made her way to the kitchen, clicking on the cappuccino maker. It roared to life making little pops and pings. Her stomach growling instinctively as she passed through the kitchen to see what she could whip up as the coffee was brewing. "Toast and fruit it is." She said to herself. She popped four pieces of whole wheat bread into the toaster, and loaded a tray with jams and spreads. She opened the fridge to retrieve the creamer, and also found a bowl, most likely from the market, of fresh cut fruit. She was painfully predictable. She took the bowl, sticking to her original plans, and set it on the tray as well. The coffee had hissed into the cups, and she transferred them, and then the toast. She scooped it up, padded up the stairs, careful not to spill. She made a detour into the hall bathroom, grabbing the aspirin, and continued back to the master suite.

When she arrived in the doorway, she looked at the bedside clock first. Thirteen minutes, not bad. Castle was laying on his side, part hangover, part laziness, his eyes open just enough to see her. "You read my mind." He sat up, smoothing the comforter so she could join him. She set the tray between them, immediately handing him the aspirin. "Perfect."

The two stole the morning away, being one. After last night, they enjoyed the average, breakfast in bed, husband and wife, moment. They deserved it. It was picture perfect.

Once they had finished, still lounging, Kate spoke up. "So, what are we going to do today?"

A small, playful smile crept over his lips. "Why don't we check out that hot tub?"

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**Please review!**

**xoxo**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi there!**

**Here's chapter 7. This is one of the last two chapters. Thank you so much for you input and reviews. I'm really excited about the final chapter. That being said, I need new stories to write. I would love to do some one shots, so if there's anything you'd like to read, let me know aand I'll write it!**

**Enjoy!**

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There's a common misconception that tragedy destroys relationships. The separate parties finding that recovery is too difficult, memories too strong, and time spent alone, suffocating. Each day in silence creating a bigger gap until the canyon is too wide to patch back together. As hard as as long as they try, the damage has already been done. But those who take the time and energy to invest their attention into healing, to fixing the canyon, are the strongest and most closely joined. They are the ones that experience true love, have found someone for their forever, found their soul mate; a writer and cop.

Kate walked out to the patio, thick slippers and a matching robe shrugged around her shoulders. The cold hit her on every bare spot on her body. She pulled the robe tighter around herself and lengthened her stride. The light snow had stopped, leaving the sun shining, glistening off of everything. Her breath was visible as she walked the short distance from the house to the pool area. There was a think tarp over the inground pool, but steam curled out from under the hot top cover.

Rick was already there, pulling the top off the Jacuzzi. The lights and jets were running. The steam radiating off of the water drew them both in immediately. They sat opposite each other in silence. She tilted her head back, closing her eyes. He sank down until his chin was submerged. His nose and eyes sticking out above the foam.

The two sat in silence for a long time; no tension, no apprehension, just sitting, relaxing, thinking. It was good to take this time to themselves, even being so close together. They were together, as they wanted to be, but left each other to think on their own and for themselves. They healed together, as the unit they had solidified with vows and rings, but let their two separate entities do what they had to to accept their situation.

Everything had happened at lighting speed; the news, the outburst, the trip. They had taken no time to just sit, every second since having been spent moving and talking seamlessly. Now, they were completely surrounded by the silence of the estate, the jets of the hot tub the only noise. The size of everything around them being known. That, as well as the roar of the ocean provided a different kind of silence, a loud one. There were no sirens, no taxi horns, no screaming. No one but themselves. It was the first time they had actually taken time for themselves, any time to just listen, and hear nothing. It was easy to get lost in the silence, let your thoughts wander.

Kate opened her eyes and found him watching her. "What are you doing, Castle?" She giggled, his gaze was kind of creepy. "Don't make me get my gun."

"Just admiring, that's all." He shifted over to sit next to her. He wedged himself behind her, massaging her shoulders. First near her neck, and then down her back, and across to both her arms.

She leaned into him, the warm water and his gentle touch washing away any tension. She breathed in and out slowly.

Their conversation was quick, short answers back and forth. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, just a little overwhelmed, still. What about you?"

"I'm good."

"I'm glad we're doing this, though. I could have never done this without you." She turned and looked at him, giving him a little smile. He returned the smile to her, kissing her forehead.

"So am I. It's part of the journey. Nothing is certain and we can't predict the outcome. And everything happens for a reason. The only thing that we control is our choices, and I think we're going to be okay."

"I know we're going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. You, me, us, our future, everything is going to turn out okay. We've never met a challenge we can't overcome." She touched the tip of his nose before they met in the middle, their lips catching each other. The bond of two people solidified by a kiss, the most comforting of feelings.

The large gust of wind blew in causing her to shiver. "Why don't we go inside?"

"Deal." She scurried out of the hot tub, wrapping herself up, and running back to the house, Castle right on her heels, to enjoy the rest of the day.

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For the rest of the week, neither of them talked about it. Everything that needed to be said had been, all the worries had been voiced, all the uncertainties, certified. A lighter presence washed over them. Now that their minds were clutter free, they could enjoy themselves. Nothing could fill the void that such a tragedy created, but having someone along for the ride helped a million times over.

They were packing to leave just as soon as they had arrived, their little getaway going quicker than they had wanted it to. Back to the real world, back to work and people and craziness. But it was something they both loved. If they wanted to stay in the Hamptons forever, they could have, but they both needed structure, that's how they functioned. Being brought up in the atmosphere accustomed them to it, made them crave it. A week or two to let their hair down was enough, but they wanted to be back in the normal they had created. So they packed up what little they brought and made the two hour drive back to the city. Each minute that passed sent them farther and farther into comfort mode, sounds and smells developing that they found familiar, until finally, they were back at the loft. It was good to be home.

Kate walked into the room, and sat on the bed. Back to normalcy, she finally starting thinking, detecting like she was used to. She sat there, her mind trying to wrap itself around something that had evaded her the entire trip. She couldn't quite think of what it was; she had all but one piece of the puzzle.

"Do you want a coffee?" Castle called from the kitchen.

"No thanks." She yelled back at him, biting her lip. She was still deep in thought. It was fuzzy almost, like she didn't want to think it or believe it, or something. It was something important, something that should be of main concern.

It was minutes later, when he walked in with a single cup that she took a deep breath. It hit her all at once, the final puzzle piece.

"What's wrong?" He stood over her trying to get her to speak. "Kate, what are you thinking?"

She didn't want to get his or her own hopes up, there was no way what she was allowing her self to think was true, it couldn't be. "It hasn't happened yet, Castle."

He looked at her, confusion displayed on his face.

She bit her lip and looked him in the eye. "I haven't miscarried yet."

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**Please review!**

**xoxo**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi there!**

**This is the final chapter of the story. I really hope you've enjoyed it, and I hope I've done the characters justice. Thank you for all your reviews. I may or may not write an epilogue (I have a terrible time letting stories go). But if not, look for new stories, one shots, and my other current story, 'Gone'. Thanks again!**

**Enjoy!**

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The table she sat on was cold, the paper underneath her crinkling every time she moved. The gown she wore was itchy and uncomfortable. The room was completely silent, the outdated TV on mute. Her hands were sweaty and every time she swallowed, bile rose in her throat. Every single last nerve ending exaggerated itself. The hair on the back of her neck stood up; they were in the same exact room as they had been two weeks ago. The city outside was freezing cold, as a storm threatened to blanket the city yet again. It topped off the atmosphere in the room, eery, quiet, waiting.

She told herself she could not get her hopes up. Hope was a funny thing. It made you feel that every thing was going to work out, every thing would turn out for the better. No matter what happened in between start and finish, things would end in your favor. But a false sense of it could destroy you; leave you clawing for answers, demanding explanations, hurting so badly. She couldn't shake it, though. The pieces were fitting, the signs were there. It had been fifteen days, maybe more, and nothing. But she couldn't do this to herself, not again. If it was meant to be, so be it. If not, she would pick up the pieces again and carry on as best she could.

She called that same day they had gotten back to the loft, the number still in her recent call list. She made the appointment, not giving too much detail to the receptionist, not wanting to look like she was crazy; not being able to get over her loss, trying everything in her power to reverse it. But she wasn't crazy, she knew. Knew that even if it were still true, something wasn't right. So she took her little bit of hope and plopped down on the table and grabbed his hand just as she had last time. She didn't want to regret this.

She squeezed his hand tighter. They were sitting in the exact position they had previously. It made her want to throw up. As much as she hoped and prayed, if she was going to be told yet again, she wasn't pregnant, it had been nothing, she couldn't want to re-live it like that again. No way in hell did she think she could do it again. No way she wanted to do it ever again. It hurt entirely too much.

"Are you nervous?" He whispered to her, not knowing really what to say. He, too, hated that they were in this position again, not knowing what their future would be, not knowing if they had been in so much pain for nothing, or if it had been for something. But he knew he had to be strong for her, not for the both of them, but just enough to catch her if she fell.

"Yeah." Her response was breathy, just barely audible.

"Kate, whatever happens, it doesn't make me love you any less. We'll have a family one day. Maybe not soon, or maybe sooner than we think, but God has a plan for us. It's going to be okay." He kissed the back of her hand, and she touched his cheek, smiling halfheartedly.

The door opened, then, the doctor that had seen them before walking in with a file and a pen. "Mr. Castle, Mrs. Castle, I hear you've had a," he paused, "complication." He looked them in the eye for the first time.

"Yeah, I haven't gone through the cycle yet, and I'm not an expert, but I think it should have happened by now." Kate stopped, feeling her vision go fuzzy, the nerves making her want to run and never look back. She wanted to be safe and sound, buried in her bed.

"And its been how long?"

"Fifteen days since my appointment."

"And how far along were you?"

"I was five and a half weeks, almost six." Kate looked down at her and Castle's hands.

"Okay, I'm going to run an ultrasound. I can't promise anything."

"We know." Castle spoke this time, hostility lining his words.

Everything was happening in slow motion. Every movement was too long, every breath was too drawn out, every look and blink and head nod were sluggish. She looked away from the ultrasound monitor, she didn't want to see it again. It took everything in her not to scream at him, tell him to hurry up and tell her. She could handle it, she already had once before.

The longer there was no reaction, the more she began to believe the worst. She had gone off a hunch, let herself hope, let herself down, let him down. This wasn't a police investigation. She couldn't issue a warrant or swarm someones apartment because of a hunch. She couldn't go off of a hunch with this one. She wasn't a cop in this situation. She wondered how she could be so stupid. How she had come to the conclusion that she was still pregnant. It was a freak thing, sitting there like she was some expert, thinking that just because it hadn't happened, she could fly off the handle and tell Castle, and the receptionist, and the doctor that she thought there was still a chance. Now she looked like a fool. Another blow to her self confidence in the situation. Another thing to eat away at her.

"Kate, I have some news." She was pulled out of her self inflicted inner turmoil, physically shaking the thoughts out of her head. "Based on how early we checked, your height and weight, and how long its been since your last appointment, there may have been a few discrepancies. I'm finishing the ultrasound now, but I'm happy to tell you this." He stopped and looked at the pair. "You're pregnant, congratulations."

Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened. Every bad thought she was having vanished, every single negative presence she felt within her disintegrated in the blink of an eye. She let out a loud breath, smiling and turning towards Castle. He smiled at her, pulling her into a hug. He squeezed her shoulders, laughing to himself.

She pulled back, tears in her eyes, and a laugh escaping her lips. She covered her mouth with her free hand. She kept her eyes on the monitor, fearing if she looked away it would disappear, that she would wake up.

But it wasn't a dream. This was really happening. She was really pregnant, always had been. She was going to be a mom and he was going to be a dad. They were starting their family.

"I want to personally apologize for my previous reading. It can happen, it being earlier in the pregnancy than we had thought, or the physical condition, or even the way the baby is positioned. But yours is healthy and developing well. Would you like to hear the heart beat?"

"Absolutely." Kate basically screeched at him, not wanting to wait any more. She had to hear it, had to know that he was telling the truth.

He pushed a few buttons and the monitor changed, producing a sound that was music to their ears. A small sound, quick and little and perfect filled the room.

_Thub thub. Thub thub. Thub thub._

Any doubt that still clouded her vision was immediately gone. That flame, brutal and harsh and devastating; the one that had destroyed her, transformed into a dyer need to protect, love and provide for her child. It was now the drive to do well and be well, to be cautious, to prepare, to be happy. It had been so hard, it had shaken her, made her experience pain like she never had before. But it was almost as if it didn't matter. It was wiped away, gone, no longer strangling her, hiding in the depths of her being, never to return. She wanted to change everything about herself just for her unborn child. A new feeling flooded her, a need to be better and do better, an unconditional love. She didn't care how hard she had cried, or how bad her nightmare had been. All that mattered now was her child and her husband; her family.

She let her tears fall freely now, the happiness spilling out of her as she giggled like a school girl. Castle kissed her cheek. He let go of her hand, covering his mouth with both his hands, his eyes shining. He was so unbelievable happy. Not only did he get to spend his life with Kate, but they were going to have a family. A family they had thought had been taken from them. A family, that had always been.

"Based on the development, I'd say you're about eight weeks at this point. Everything looks good. I'll prescribe you some prenatal vitamins, and the receptionist will schedule your next appointment. Do you have any questions?"

"No, not right now."

"Alright. I'll see you two soon. Congratulations again, I'm happy to provide the good news." He shook hands with the two and walked to the door.

"Thank you so much." Castle responded as the door clicked behind him. He looked at Kate who was still smiling from ear to ear. She let out another quick laugh. He dove in and kissed her. He broke away and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

The two just looked at each other, there not being nearly enough words to describe how ecstatic they were. Kate pulled her arms over her mouth, her shoulders squishing in as well. She smiled, her eyes twinkling and whispered, "We're pregnant." She had to say it, had to beat it into her brain, had to tell him again like he hadn't heard the first time.

"I know!" He kissed her again, not being able to mask his excitement. "Let's go home." He helped her off the table, a new sense of care and watchfulness taking over. He too now possessed the overwhelming need to protect her and the baby, to be there and no where else; unconditional love.

They arrived back to the loft, the excitement still radiating off of them. He put his keys on the bar, and turned to Kate, her smile still plastered on her face, she hadn't stopped since. She stood still, her hands on her cheeks. He strode over to her, arms open wide. He scooped her up and spun her around making her laugh and scream. He let her down, grabbing her waist and looking her in the eyes. "Kate, we're going to have a baby."

"I'm just, I can't, I know!" She couldn't think of what to say. She wanted to say everything. Wanted to have his ability to express ideas and situations in detail and make someone feel something, make them connect. But she wasn't like that, wasn't good with words. She was content to let him do that; she just wanted him to know just how excited she was. She wanted him to know that she didn't regret anything that had happened. She didn't regret the pain and panic and suffering. She couldn't do that, couldn't regret her life; she'd almost lost it for that matter. What they had gone through had only made them stronger. It had let them see each other in a different light. Before, they knew each other. Now, they understood; had a deeper knowledge of their thoughts, reactions, and coping methods. Knew what bothered them, and knew how to help one another. So no matter how good or bad a situation was, she promised herself she would never regret one single thing; accept the past, move on, prepare for the future.

He kissed her on the tip of her nose, his smile still on his face, both of them like children, happy and excited and giddy. "I have one condition for this." He cocked his eyebrow and raised his index finger. "I get to be the dad and you get to be the mom."

"Yeah, well that's usually how it works, Castle." She couldn't help but smile at him, his whit never ceasing to make her laugh.

"Well then it's settled! We need to celebrate! Campaign? Wait, no, wrong." He moved around the counter to open both sides of the refrigerator. "No alcohol, duh. How about coffee? What, no, uhm."

"How about ice cream?" She cut him off, deciding she could help him just a tad.

He leaned back on his heels, revealing his head behind the double doors, "Perfect." He grabbed a carton and two spoons placing them on the bar and then stood beside her. "I love you so much. You don't know how happy I am right now."

"I love you too. You know there's no one in the entire world I would want to experience all this with. Thank you, for everything."

"You're going to make a great mom."

"And I already know how great of a dad you are."

"I think we'll be pretty good at this detective. With my ruggedly handsome good looks, how could it possibly go wrong?" He raised an eyebrow, giving her that signature look. "But in all honestly, this is going to be absolutely incredible. And our baby is going to be loved and spoiled and cared for like no other."

"I couldn't agree more." She was so content. So inexplicably content to be with him and share these moments with him. There was never any way to tell him enough how much she loved and appreciated him. So she kissed him again, standing on her tiptoes.

He scooped her up, putting her on the counter. She wrapper her legs around him and grabbed the two spoons, handing one to him and keeping the other for herself. "Shall we?"

"Let's."

It had been a hard couple of weeks, harder than most, but something so amazing came out of it. It didn't matter what clouded the past, the future was bright. And the cop and the writer continued on their life journey together, always.

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**Please review!**

**xoxo**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi there!**

**First and foremost, I want to apologize for the update taking so long. Like I said, I am in school and it's more difficult to post regularly. But better late then never, right?**

**This is officially the last chapter of "Together, Always" Thanks a million for all your reviews, favorites, and follows! It means a ton. If you want more, I also have another Castle story, "Gone" that is finished as well. I might be posting a sequel to that but it wouldn't be for a while if I do. In the mean time, it would be more practical for me to do one shots and focus on larger stories on breaks and holidays (I'm in the middle of one now). So if you have an idea for a one shot, please don't hesitate to PM me or review about it!**

**Enjoy!**

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It was early October, the leaves on the trees beginning to change and fall from their branches. The wind was cool and crisp when it blew; tossing hair and sending shivers down civilians spines. Slowly but surely, air conditioning units were removed from windows, and people donned hats and boots and sweaters. As hard as everyone tried to preserve the warmth of the season, mother nature conquered all. Summer was finally over, Christmas season right around the corner. The seasons were changing as they did year after year, and the Castle's lives were about to change forever.

The sky was dark, the city in blissful rest. Day had turned into night, the married couple spending it on the couch in front of the first fire of the season. The fireplace cracked and popped, the warmth finally traveling throughout the space. Rick sat as close as he could to Kate, his hand resting on her stomach. He talked softly to her, showing his paternal instincts. He told silly stories and grand tales of himself and his muse, letting the baby know how much they were already loved. Kate sat, reading her book and smiling every so often as Castle paid attention to her round, ready to pop at any moment, stomach. He was such a charming father already, his sarcasm, whit, and jackass ways melting away. Eventually, after the wine and juice glasses had been placed in the sink, the fire nothing but glowing coals, the couple moved to bed, unaware.

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"Castle." Kate laid flat on her back, her eyes wide open. She woke with a start, something shifting; she knew exactly what it meant. She didn't dare move. All she could will from her lips was his name.

"Castle." She whispered again, this time sitting up. Her stomach was huge, the last six months since finding out she was pregnant moving at lighting speed. It seemed like all she did was blink, and here she was at two in the morning, the calm before the storm. She turned her head to see him stir.

"Hmm." His eyes were closed, completely unaware of why she was trying to get his attention so late at night. _Couldn't __it __wait until morning_?

"Rick!" She raised her voice, her patience running thin.

His eyes popped open, "What." His voice was dry, less than enthusiastic. He looked at her and then closed his eyes again.

"It's time." She thought that that would have gotten him going, but low and behold, he remained clueless. For two people that were so in sync, he was useless between twelve and nine.

"Time for what?" She heard him mumble from underneath the sheets. He rolled again onto his stomach, his eyes still closed.

Although she was irritated with him, she couldn't help but let a smile creep onto her face. She put her hand on her stomach, butterflies and tingles overpowering her senses, "Time for us to meet our baby."

All of a sudden, as if a switch had been turned on, Castle's eyes shot open. He sat up and stared at her. His mind going a million miles a minute. "Oh my God. Are you having contractions? How far apart are they?" He jumped out of bed, scampering around the room like a mad man. "Is everything packed? Oh my gosh, this is happening! Do you need anything? Coffee? What the hell, no, no." He pointed a finger at her, his eyes crazed. "I'm losing it. I'm just going to go over here for a second." He pointed and walked out the door.

"Hurry back." Kate called after him, knowing that it wouldn't take long for him to compose himself. She sat looking at the door, her eyebrow raised, tongue in cheek, and hand on stomach, wondering if he had been this way when Alexis was born.

As if he'd read her mind, he ran back in, his eyes connecting with hers, a smile on his face. He moved to her side of the bed, to sit next to her. "Are you ready?" He grabbed her hand, drawing small circles with his thumb.

"As ready as I'll ever be." She bit her lip, connecting her hands with his.

"Alright, let's go meet 'um." He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss, the smile still plastered on their faces.

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Not forty minutes later, Kate lay in a private room in the delivery wing of the hospital. The gown and walls and sheets were all white; unsettling. But the light was dim, and the air was warm balancing the harsh overkill of white. Castle had slipped into the hallway to call Martha, Alexis, Jim, Lanie, and the boys. The doctors were buzzing around, preparing for the birth, leaving Kate to let her thoughts catch up to her. Just months ago, she felt that this day would never come; and now, here it was.

She was going to meet her baby. The baby that she thought would never be. The baby that she mourned for. The baby that she celebrated. She didn't realize how lucky she was. Being told you had miscarried and then being told it was a false alarm was a rare occurrence, a small chance, an absolute relief. Ever since, she had done everything in her power to stay healthy and be the best she could for her own and the baby's health. She was in no way taking the swollen feet, morning sickness, and cravings for granted. She embraced every aspect knowing that it could have easily been taken away.

She remembered when they had finally told their parents and Alexis. Both her and Castle decided to wait another month, the end of the first trimester, to finally reveal that their family was expanding. They had invited everyone for dinner, acting as normally as they could. When everyone had finished eating, Castle popped the top off of a bottle of champagne and offered everyone a glass. When it came to Kate, she refused, waving a hand to him. "I'm not drinking." She looked at Martha and then her father, and then Alexis. All sat extra still.

"And why not?" Castle questioned her, over-exaggerating his words. As he spoke, he walked behind the unsuspecting trio, handing each a card. Each was a square stationary, pink fade to blue. The swirly, white lettering read:

"Save the Date!

A new Castle coming October 2014!"

"Oh my heavens!" Martha jumped up as Kate stood and took a step back from the table. She scurried around the chairs and enveloped her son and daughter-in-law in a huge hug, spinning around and clapping. "This is just wonderful!"

"Congratulations, Katie." Jim had approached as Martha danced through the kitchen, kissing Kate on the cheek and shaking his son-in-law's hand. "You take good care of her, Rick."

"Always."

"I'm so happy for guys, congratulations!" Alexis hugged her dad, pushing through the mass, and then finding room to squeeze in and hug Kate.

"Thanks, Lex." Kate spoke into her hair. "I'm so glad you're okay with this." It had been a concern of hers that Alexis would be angry or hurt that they were having another baby. She was more than thrilled that Alexis seemed happy and okay with the situation. It made it that much better; Alexis was family too, she deserved to have some kind of say in the their dynamic.

"Of course. I've always wanted to have a sibling. And I guess its better late than never. But really, I'm thrilled!" She smiled at her in reassurance and to push out any doubt that still clouded Kate's thoughts.

The very next day, they had gone to work, planing on putting on another show for the boys. She was surprised they hadn't noticed she wasn't drinking coffee, just carrying the mug around; showed how much attention they paid, or lack there of. But besides her charade, she was going to officially announce her pregnancy to her team today.

Esposito and Ryan were about to go follow a lead, questioning a suspect for the third time, when Beckett stopped them, "Hey, mind if Castle and I take this one?" She approached just as they hit the elevator button.

The two looked at each other in confusion. "Sure, but why? We can handle it."

"If that's what you're worrying about, mom." Ryan finished Espo's statement, then fist bumped his partner.

Kate thought fast on her heels. "Well you won't be the only one calling me mom in a couple of months."

Both of them stood there, their mouths hanging open.

"That's why we're taking this lead, before we tell Gates and she takes Kate off of active duty." Castle walked over to his wife and pointed at her stomach, raising one eyebrow.

Her team congratulated her, giving her quick hugs before Gates could see the commotion.

And so after that lead was followed, the two had told Gates about their pregnancy, and Kate was taken off of active duty immediately. Since then, she had been slowly weaned out of interrogation and plucked down into tech footage, phone records, and financials; paperwork. She wasn't happy about it, but nothing was more important than her baby's safety. So for five more months, they went through the same routine; wake up, no coffee, hang out at the precinct all day, return to the loft, eat, sleep, repeat. It was so different from their normal dynamic that Kate learned to enjoy the down time.

She couldn't believe how far they'd come in such a short time. Now, here she was, five months later, getting ready to meet her child. They had decided to wait to see if it was a boy or a girl. If the anticipation didn't kill her, the contractions might. Just as Castle walked through the door, another contraction made her wince and grab the railing on the side of the bed. She gritted her teeth and breathed through her nose the best she could.

"I'm right here. You're doing great." Castle smoothed her hair, "Breathe."

"I am breathing." She talked back a little more aggressively than expected. The contractions were getting closer and closer together making the time to push very near.

Her doctor came over to her, already in scrubs, a mask around his neck. "Alright, Kate, next set of contractions we're going to have you push. Are you ready?"

She nodded, drawing her mouth into a straight line. It hit her all of a sudden, this was real, and she was having her baby, their baby. Castle stood at her side, holding her hand and whispering in her ear. "You're going to be great. Everything will be perfect."

"Alright, Kate, I think we're going to try and push now. Are you okay?"

All she could do was nod.

"Okay, on the count of three. One, two, three. Push." He shifted and looked at her again a moment later, "Again. One, two, three. Push! Alright, I see the head. You're doing amazing. One more time. One, two, three, push."

And in that moment, Katherine and Richard Castle became parents. One for the first time and one for the second; but parents all the same. A shrill cry rang through the room making Kate take a huge breath of relief. She felt a kiss linger on her temple and a hand smooth over her hair like he'd already done so many times today.

"It's a girl!" The doctor held up a perfectly pink little girl. All ten fingers and all ten toes. So tiny and small, and already loved unconditionally.

She watched as Rick cut the umbilical cord, his smile spread from ear to ear. Kate let out a laugh as tears fell down her face. She couldn't take her eyes off the little girl as they cleaned her up and made her even more perfect. She couldn't imagine anything better happening in her life.

"You did so good. She's absolutely beautiful." Castle whispered in her ear and drew small circles on her forearm. He kissed her, letting it linger a little longer than usual.

One of the nurses finally walked over, a small, pink bundle in her arms. She slowly and carefully gave the little girl to Kate, letting her head rest in the crook of her elbow. She looked down in absolute awe at what they had created. She traced around her tiny eyebrows, and down around her chin. She carefully examined her hands and feet, and stroked the bridge of her nose. "Hi sweetheart. It's so good to finally meet you. Mommy loves you so much." She spoke so softly, so only her and Castle could hear. She kissed her forehead and looked up to Castle who was watching over both of them; his wife, and his new daughter.

Her previous disposition of not being a baby person had vanished as if it had never existed to begin with. She loved her daughter more than anything; wanted to kiss her and hug her, wanted to tell her stories and run around the loft. She wanted to take her to the park and swing. She wanted to teach her things and watch her succeed and grow and become an independent girl. She wanted to give her the world.

Castle leaned in and gave his daughter a kiss on the very tip of her tiny nose, "You're so perfect, honey. I'm so glad you're here." He looked over to his wife and kissed her again, their smiles never leaving their faces.

"Do you have a name?" The doctor pulled them out of their little moment, needing the information for documentation.

Kate looked back up to Rick, communicating through eye contact. He nodded, then, finalizing their silent message. Kate looked back to her daughter and then finally to the doctor, "Abigail Jo Castle."

Both had to remind themselves how lucky they were. How this could have easily never been. But the past was the past and this was a wonderfully different, brightly lit future. They were finally starting a family, a family that would continue to grow and thrive and be uniquely Castle. For now, Kate wasn't a cop. For now, Rick wasn't a New York Times Best Selling Author. Now, she was mom and he was dad, and together, they made one hell of a team. A new chapter in the book, a new case; an unpredictable journey that they would travel together.

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**xoxo**


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